Ilsa – The Wicked Warden

Ilsa – The Wicked Warden
American Video – 93 mins. (various copies have different running times) – Unrated

OK freaks, this one is for you! I tell you when you pop this sick puppy in the ol’ VCR it’s time to wallow in the trash… yep, we’re talking scuzzorama, a sleazola classic – in other words… this one is gonna be a fun one!

Dyanne Thorn stars as Ilsa (originally Wanda) in this Jess Franco trash masterpiece and she does so many horrible things to people that it’s hard to know where to begin! Ilsa is a sadistic chick who runs the show in some demented prison camp or something. The movie starts off with a shower scene where Ilsa gets in a hot bath and some women guards watch. After about twelve shots of her pouring water on her chest out of a sponge, the chicks in the showers start fighting and Ilsa offs the girl who started it.

Next thing we know this crazy chick decides to get herself thrown into Ilsa’s prison cuz it was her little sister who Ilsa nailed from the shower. With the help of some goofy doctor with a Clark Kent voice she ends up on the inside and face to face with Ilsa. First thing she gets hosed down and they make fun of her body a while cuz she has a forest on her if you know what I mean and I am sure you do. Then some dumb ass girls sing french nursery rhymes while others knit. Then we get to see Ilsa get a massage. Now at this point I was getting a bit bored of this “notorious” film. I had no idea where it’s bad reputation came from. It was typical Eurosleaze from Franco.

Then the trashola hit the fan. We find out that Ilsa has some interesting hobbies like lesbo torture, home-style acupuncture with sewing needles, lobotomies, spankings, shock therapy (you won’t believe where they attach the electricity) while she films it, whippings, brandings, beatings, snuff movies and even cannibalism. Never a dull moment in the Ilsa house. We are subjected to so many scenes of barbaric depravity I thought for a minute that I was watching a damned K-Tel “Best of The Bitch” compilation! It was at this point that I realized there was not one shred of plot OR decency in this movie, lucky for all you drive-in trash lovers! One prisoner says “You filthy bitch pig vampires! I will tear off your tits!” then Ilsa whips her ass like a redneck at a rodeo for an hour and then they cut on her some. As you can tell, this one has something for the whole family. Then in the middle of the film, we are treated to some crazy arty sex scene with Ilsa and some guy that isn’t in any other part of the movie! Then it’s back to sadism and trash for a bit until Ilsa finds out that this chick is the sister, then you can guess what happens…Yep, it’s time for a showdown in sleazeland!  Grab the popcorn!

It all ends with the prisoners getting pissed and acting like zombies and tearing Ilsa apart, complete with gore and even some cannibal chow-down action going on! This part of the film really grosses you out… and that means a lot compared to what was before it! All in all, I must say this one will offend almost everyone… and if offbeat, sleazy trash classics like this are up your alley, then search for it and find it – but I warn you, it sure ain’t pretty!

7 / 9 / 10