The Legend Of The Wolf Woman
United Home Video – released in 1977 – 70 Mins.
This one is a strange low budget flick…Spanish made in the late 70’s so you know what we’ere talking here – we’ve got a one way ticket to Trash City. You know you are in trouble when a movie starts with some crazy woman doing a bizarre voodoo ritual dance where she turns into a strange chick with hair glued on her and some bad fang action happening. For a cool werewolf face they glue some brown hair on her nose. Pretty soon she is flopping all around on the ground like she has fire ants chewing on her butt or she’s having a twitch fit or something.
Then the lady wakes up and we find out she was having a weird dream and her name is Daniella and her ancestor was suppose to be this dime-store werewolf. So we get some dialog and then Daniella looks at herself in a mirror and gets kinda freaky with herself if you know what I mean and then she crashes out – only when she is about asleep, a lizard starts crawling up her legs and this is a big lizard. I have no idea what the hell this means. Next thing we are in a hall and she is watching people make out through a cracked door. She gets all freaky on herself again at this point because I am sure, in some way, it is important to the plot. Then Daniella wanders outside and sees a chick in the field who looks just like her, only with a bad wig and as dress from the cast of Titanic, and this is her ancestor. Then some guy wanders along and they romp but she hears the voice of her ancestor and bites him leaving a big, bad, gross hickey. Then she wakes up again and a doctor is examining her. He has to be sure and check her vulnerables, if ya know what I mean, because again, it is important to the plot.
Now here is where Daniella starts in with that mode of acting known as the vacant stare, a method the great Chesty Morgan perfected in all two movies she made. They take her to a hospital and we get some bullcrap dialog for a while and then her buddy comes to see Daniella, only she just shows this friend, some brown haired girl, her vulnerables and starts flopping around on the bed like someone plugged it in to 220 volts. She calls some nurses whores and stuff then a lesbian patient sneaks into her room at night. I can see how this scene is important to the film as a whole… it shows us the werewolf lady has no problem tearing up a guy or a girl and she is not prejudice against any sexual persuasion. Hell, this movie is PC all the way!
Then she escapes and the film twists into another area.. We get some talking from guys with Steve Austin hair styles, then next thing we know, Daniella is in another place with different characters and she has abandoned her vacant stare… she seems rather “spunky” in this part. Pretty soon she is biting another stooge who tries to romp with her. Then we get scenes like “Love Story” as we see Daniella and her new boyfriend frolic on the beach. Now here is where I start to lose interest. See, everyone knows that when you make psycho-vacant stare werewolf lady movies, ya gotta keep things moving. Ya gotta keep the sappy love scenes out of it. It’s like halfway through the guy who made this, a dude named R. D. Silver, started watching crummy romance movies, or he found a girlfriend or something.
But he finally gets back where he belongs when these three goons break into the “love cottage” and try and rape Daniella. You know what time it is: Big Bad Wolf Mama-mania. Now it’s revenge time for Daniella. She gets mad. She gets bad. She gets hair on her nose. there’s finally some gross stuff as Daniella goes cannibal and then she starts thinking about doing that same twitch voodoo dance as her ancestor – I guess human meat makes you wanna boogie. Then the cops come and catch her. Then the end credits roll.
Now, this one is an OK time waster as long as you don’t mind the Steve Austin look alike talking people scenes. I would recommend it to trash lovers and people with girlfriends with hair on their nose. Not great, but very bad in a good way. I say give it a shot if you’re bored or if you get wild during full moons.
3 / 7 / 8